History is Ours!
In Its First Ever Ultimate Championship Final Battle of Ultimate Glory, THC Green Revolution achieves Momentous Anti-Victory
Madison—On the frozen tundra of NAT Fields, the brutal winds whipped up more than just the faint smell of cow manure: yes, the scent of history was in the air, and even the most congested of fans could sense the gravity of the occasion.
And the THC Green Revolution did not disappoint.
No, for the first time this season, the Green Revolution dominated possession from the opening whistle. There would be no rope-a-dope this evening. They passed fluidly, defended sharply, dribbled spectacularly and to a man, all had excellent hair days. In short, the Revolution had finally gelled, and done so on the most important game of the year. And thus it came as little surprise that the Revolutionaries finally managed to take home their first anti-victory of the season.
And of course, The Shutter preserved his streak of spectacular saves, including a jaw-dropper in the first half on a screaming free kick. Yet it was the remarkable team effort that seared itself indelibly on the prefrontal cortex of all the observers.
About the only down moment came midway through the second half, when “My Two Left Feet” Schwab, distracted momentarily by the pretty colors on his shiny green pinnie, allowed an Omega to run free and put in an easy goal. But no matter, the Green Revolution managed somehow to still garner the anti-victory. Yes, it was truly a great night.
Captain Courageous (finally revealed as mild mannered graduate student Narek Sahakyan), his nose bloodied from doing battle, was simply gushing uncontrollably with pride and hemoglobin from the effort of all his players: “Pale Force” Horsch, “The Eel” Park, Dylanfitz, My Two Left Feet, “El Padre” Galarza, Vardges “Bear with feet like Leopard” Hovhannisyan, Andres “I’m actually Carlos Valderamma, and was just looking to cut my hair and get some extra practice” Moya, The Shutter Bozic, El Locomotive Weber and “6-Pac” Laajaj.
Oh yes, it was a glorious effort from all corners of Green Revolution nation, especially the fans who braved the cold to witness the historic anti-victory. Even former team captain Henry C. Taylor and former keeper Benjamin H. Hibbard took a break from arguing about the Hawley-Smoot Tariff and whether Clara Bow was hotter than Mary Pickford to tune in to the game.
Though it was a tremendous finale, the players were quite saddened to see the season end, as all had no other alternative to fill up their prodigious amounts of spare time. Many expected to take up curling to kill those long, lonely winter hours.
And what a season it was. This year's Revolutionaries set team season records for victories, total victories, goals, saves, possessions, illegal throw-ins, victories not achieved by forfeit, goals scored on corner kicks, goals scored by penalty kick, penalty kicks, penalty kick saves, and attendance. And that was just after the first game.
But yea, just as surely as the sun orbits round the moon and the badger urinates standing upright, another season will soon be upon us. For now however, we will all sleep with sugarplums and soccer pictures dancing through our heads.
